So I got a puppy a little over a month ago. And so far, it’s been a pretty awesome decision. I’ve wanted one for a long time. I was always planning on getting a French Bulldog and naming him The Colonel but it was way off in the distant future. My girlfriend would bring it up once or twice a week “I thought you said you were getting a dog.” I would make some excuse about how I would do it after I got paid for this or have that settled down or how I was waiting for the right moment. It was all bullshit.

And then one day it hit me: What am I doing? Why am I putting off the one thing I really want to do when everyday I readily accept shit that I don’t want to do? I thought I had priorities…so then I just did it. I got the cash from an ATM, picked it up from some family and named it after an elephant. We walked around Petsmart in the leash and collar we hadn’t even bought yet.

I only get to see her on the weekends and it breaks my heart. For some reason, I’ve been a very cold person my whole life. You can imagine the problems that has created. But it’s started to go away. I sprint inside to see her. She sits on my chest when I do situps. She licks the phone when she hears me talking to her mommy from LA. She had a reaction to her shots last week and I spent all day in a fit that made it impossible to work. When you come home after leaving her by herself you can see the marks on the floor length mirror where she tried to play with that other puppy that keeps teasing her. She drinks from her water dish too fast and then she gets the hiccups…every single morning.

Who knows, maybe it won’t work out. Maybe it will be a stupid decision. I’ll take responsibility for that. I’ll clean up whatever mess I create for myself. I’ll try not to justify or rationalize or project whatever the ramifications are. If something happens between my girlfriend and I, I’ll navigate whatever difficulties come up. All that is just logistics. And logistics–well, they’re nothing to live your live by.

If you can find something that brings you joy or contentment that isn’t destructive or dangerous, I think you should do it. My benchmark has always been this: When you’re sitting alone, quietly, your mind blank and unfocused–does it bring you peace? If your answer to that question is yes then you have found something rare, something that should be followed until it ends. Even if it’s fleeting.

This is what I was trying to say:

“The art of using moderate abilities to advantage wins praise, and often acquires more reputation than real brilliancy.” de la Rochefoucauld

When I said this:

I’m not the best at a lot of things. Most of the time, the stuff people talk about makes my head spin and I get confused pretty easily. But I make due with what I’ve got. Being smart or talented or having the right equipment–none of that is all that rare. But to get up do a thousand miles or punched in the face or write a hundred pages or strike a deal or read a book or make a phone call without anyone telling you to? That’s almost unheard of.

I found it after and I like his better.

Marcus Aurelius on the Sex/Cash Theory.

“If you had a step mother and a real mother, you would pay your respects to your stepmother, yes…but it’s your real mother you would go home to. The court…and philosophy: keep returning to it, to rest in its embrace. Its what makes the court–and you–endurable.”

I’m not sure I agree with either take, that you need to have your life’s passion and then a career that subsidizes it: the court/philosophy dichotomy. Then again, I’m way to young to have any idea what the fuck I’m talking about there. It’s worth a try though.