I am now at a point where I have to make some rather serious decisions about my life. And it is with these sort of questions that I am at my very best and my very worst. I obsess over them–I consult everyone–I consider every possible angle. I write best in these moods. I take time for reflection. The menial and trivial seem to slide away. But I also get down. The signs of futility start to spring up. The inevitable indulgence in despair is one I rarely pass up. “What if with all this thought–all this effort–I end up just degrees from where I’d be if I’d let it all go?” “What if control is just an illusion?” Some of this is outside Rudius, some of this is about which position inside Rudius.

For me, I’ve always told myself: whatever you want to do, that’s what you’ll end up doing. What happens when someone offers you that chance? Do you have an answer ready? I keep coming up blank. “What do I want to do?”

So I decided to break it down in smaller questions. What do I like? Well, I this blog. I like expressing myself. I like predicting what will happen and making moves to be there before everyone else. But I also like leaving when that gets boring. Let others sort out the details; I like the big picture. I like money. I like the feeling of fluid mastery–of the point guard taking the ball from right to left and then spinning as someone reachs in for it. The move that no one sees coming, but meticulously planned. And more than that, I like work. Sometimes, during the day, I fantasize about running until I vomit, wiping my mouth and running some more.

What don’t I like? Well, I hate office shit. I hate being constrained and having to run every little idea through other people. I hate waiting. I hate busy work. I hate having to tolerate people who social inertia has forced me to tolerate. I hate the Peter Principle. I hate the feeling of ripping people off, of delivering what they’ll accept as opposed to what they deserve. I hate school and I’m thinking about quitting. I hate the idea that what you do and who you are must to be entirely separate things.

What do I need? I need time. I need an understanding that creativity must be nurtured–and that almost everything is secondary to its incubation. Someone who comprehends that the war for talent in a service economy will be a costlier engagement than any that have come before it.

In the end, I’m sure a lot of you have the exact same desires. And some of the despondency comes from realizing that most jobs pretend they don’t exist. The idea that the level of bullshit is at its highest in high school and declines the further you move from it is sadly untrue. I see the same shit I hated in people now, that I did when I was 11.

So those of you who have already made this decision: What advice can you offer? Those of you who are making it now: What steps are you taking?

I’m reading a book by Ken Robinson right now and one line has been echoing in my head “Being good at something isn’t enough reason to do it for the rest of your life.” Penelope Trunk wrote a few months ago that you ought to figure out EXACTLY what you want and demand it from your job. The only thing you have to lose is unhappiness and an ill-fit. Machiavelli wrote that fortune must be thrown down and struggled with, that opportunity can be molded to your whim. But first–as is the current dilemma–the whim must be discovered and defined. I feel like I am closer, yes, but not close enough.

A few articles recently have really codified the ethos of the content model. I don’t want to give too much away but all the smart people I’ve talked to have said the same thing–that in the end, the only thing that really matters is the shit you put on the screen. And by that logic the screen is almost entirely irrelevant.

Good News for Marketers With Eye on Digital Content

Believe it or not, there is something more annoying to online video watchers than advertising: poor quality.

Gaming Consoles are for Playing Games; All the Rest is Flash

Build a big, powerful, muscle-bound machine with a billion features and people will be willing to pay a premium price for all this added functionality beyond gaming. No, I said. People who buy gaming consoles want to play games.

Scoble Leaving Podtech? No He Is Not

“I generally agree with the basic points in his points about podcast/videoblog networks needing to focus on content first. As much as I like John Furrier personally, I also can’t name a second Podtech show off the top of my head. Every time I hear of a company like PodTech or Podshow or Odeo getting multi-million dollar investments and going through it, all I can wonder is how they are spending all that money. Isn’t the thing that makes this medium interesting and available to all of us its low cost of production?”

It’s paradoxical in its ridiculousness. Today, content is cheaper to produce than it was yesterday. Tomorrow, it will be cheaper still. And yet, all anyone wants to talk about is distribution. So I ask you, when we figure it out, when its finally possible to be blue-toothed new singles straight to your phone, when major cinematic movies are beamed via satellite to your local theater and then you pick up a copy for home on the way out via your portable DVR/iPod, what exactly will we be watching?

I’ll be real fucking frank with you, I don’t want it to be “Who’s Your Caddy?” Why is the Wii succeeding? Because they made games people like, things people have been asking for. Why is PodTech failing? Because they bet on Robert Scoble instead of Robert Greene. Pre-roll/Post-roll, advertising, no one cares. They want to watch stuff that is good. Commercials have always been a burden that people bear to get what they want–and now NBC thinks they can create a portal that shows nothing but ads? This is insanity.

In the end, we will have very little impact on HOW our content is delivered to us. So many variables outside anyones’ control dictate it. Cheaper prices here, the price of oil there, an innovation in screen technology, a new codec, a massive investment from some biased source, government regulation. But just about anyone can have an impact on WHAT that content is. Why? Because you can make it. You can sit down tomorrow and develop a story arc that will change media for ever. You can skirt the rules, barrier of entry, taboos, and go straight to the source. But most importantly, the field of combat has been vacated. The competition has ceded the market. They’ve left content on the table. They just want to deliver it.

At the paper where I am editor, a grating, obnoxious kid was (by process of elimination) selected to fill my old position. It’s pretty clearly going to end as a train wreck; the only variable is the carnage. How do I know? By his use of “we…”

Just days after being hired, the above-mentioned employee was caught explaining the hiring process that “we” (emphasis on his role) had decided on for recruitment. “What WE look for in a new employee is…” “We’d love to have you work with US.” It was if he had been working there for years instead of being not much fresher than the targets he was talking down to. And then of course the progression led to remarks about a company culture that he had yet to contribute to, implying about power he simply didn’t have, and generally ignoring every unwritten rule that people hold dear. As is usual for these types, they quickly absorb and draw from the past even though they’ve yet to establish themselves in the present.

We-people are worse than “Yes” men because at least the latter defers to your authority. For them, there is no “you,” only an “us” or a “we.” And by that they really mean “I” and “me.” We-people by their very nature consider themselves to be your equal–and soon to be superior. It implies rather overtly that since they’ve so quickly included themselves as an integral part of the group that their upward trajectory will soon make them its leader.

More than anything it symbolizes a presumptuousness and a lack of respect that almost always ends badly. It takes a certain lack of shame to simply shrug off the social cues that come along with joining a new organization. This is a lethal combination. It is almost always followed by regular efforts to take credit for things they had no part in. They’ll begin to discuss accomplishments logged long before their entrance, they’ll mention “decisions” and the reasons they were made despite not have having any role in making them. And then, like a virus, they start to attach themselves to bodies whom they have no influence. “When we do _______, we like to consider _______.” Which of course is news to the people who actually do the considering. Their authority becomes whatever authority they’ve decided to include themselves as part of. Their role is whatever they’ve chosen it to be.

When you hear that first premature “we” make a mental note–it could have just been an error. If it starts to become a pattern, get out while you can. Or you’ll be dealing with their ego and obliviousness for the rest of your life. Just cut them out completely. They are leeches. They’ve indicated an ability to act unethically and insultingly and that is never a positive. The real danger though is in what they bring out in other people. Their subtle threats bring out the turf-warrior in even the most laid-back people. It leads to gossip and scheming when that energy ought to be spent elsewhere. Riding on the coattails of “we-men” are epidemics of suspicion, anger, disgust and diminished credibility. And I think that is rightfully so, because more than workplace strategy this is a personal defect–an indication of a real douchebag.

And of course, everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes it’s just a slip of the tongue. People say “we” in a respectful, deferential way all the time. Not that this is about due paying or anything as petty as that. Nor is it ultimately about respect It’s about how that person conducts themselves and how they treat people and then how that affects their productivity and value. Ask the same questions about your friends. It ought to be examined in a larger context–do they exhibit the other symptoms, have they begun to sidle up into territory they shouldn’t. Would you consider them to be respectful? Do you like them as a person? If the answer is on the fence for any of these, cut your losses while you still can.

Final Note: This is an especially important topic for young people. No adult wants to feel like you’re plotting on the side to push them out of the way. You do NOT want to be the asshole kid with no tact, no respect and a bad attitude. Whether you like it or not there are certain leagues and age often determines your entry. Always remember–if you’ve been lucky enough to skip ahead–that you ought to treat it like the privilege that it is. Until it’s time, there is no “We.”