“And as long as you keep digging, it will keep bubbling up.” Marcus Aurelius, Mediations
Things get shitty when I stop and almost always get better when I start again. But I stop all the time. Why? Because I start to think that I know more than I actually do – that I’ve am an exception to a rule. I read a bunch of good books about addiction recently (Beautiful Boy, Tweak, When Pain Killers Become Dangerous) and an addict’s mind works the same way. To justify using, the body will create pain. I like to think about how the ‘easy way’ always seems to feel like the ‘right way.’ I’m not sure how you fight that, other than constantly being aware – understanding that your brain can’t just be defaulted to. And surrounding yourself with people who call you out on your bullshit.