The Underside
Our first impulse is to try to stop people’s unpleasant behavior. But when you think about it, often the things that bother us can be more beneficial than the niceties we seem to want so badly. When people are:
—rude or disrespectful:
They underestimate you. A wonderful gift.
—duplicitous:
You won’t have to apologize when you make an example out of them.
—overly critical:
Managed expectations.
—lazy:
Make your accomplishments seem all the more effortless.
—For all behaviors that provoke an immediate negative reaction.
Ryan Holiday is the bestselling author of Trust Me, I’m Lying, The Obstacle Is The Way, Ego Is The Enemy, and other books about marketing, culture, and the human condition. His work has been translated into thirty languages and has appeared everywhere from the Columbia Journalism Review to Fast Company. His company, Brass Check, has advised companies such as Google, TASER, and Complex, as well as Grammy Award winning musicians and some of the biggest authors in the world. He lives in Austin, Texas.
What do you mean by Managed Expectations? What’s the upside in an overly critical person?
I never thought of it like that. Thanks Ryan!
Often, the underside is something I still have difficulty seeing.
A problem that can happen in organizations when you have a good idea is that people get way too excited about it way too quickly. It robs you of the ability to change your mind, to experiment, and of the autonomy of define its success.
Someone who his critical or skeptical from the beginning prevents that from happening. They’re managing other peoples expectations for you without you even having to ask.
Awesome and timely post Ryan.
One thing I have found that saps those benefits is the ability of the short sighted to actually see the reality of situations.
Parents, bosses or teachers, for example often can’t imagine a paradigm that is different from the one they have in their heads. I have started to wonder if it isn’t just easier to not give them the time of day.
“often the things that bother us can be more beneficial than the niceties we seem to want so badly.”
**Pop a star on your forehead for that statement. Ryan, am I understanding what you are teaching?
“–rude or disrespectful:” **If ones expression of contempt makes the other feel 10 feet tall and bullet proof the under/over is equal and therefore no gain.
“–duplicitous:”** Apologies are not mandatory, ever. When making examples of people, one loses power. The light is shining on the example.
“–overly critical:”**The degree of a statements harshness is by individual perception. Take away your emotions about it and now its advice to take or leave. You are essentially, and perhaps effectively, managing your own expectations. ****Ryan’s definition is an outstanding move as well.
“–lazy:”**Well then, so much for doin’ nothin’! I can no longer feel bad about laziness, look at the good it can do for somebody. : – )
–“For all behaviors that provoke an immediate negative reaction.”
** Put yourself in neutral so you don’t drive off the cliff. Or like a car battery, to perform the cables needed are postive,negative, and ground.
Wow. Most of the things on your blog are pseudointellectual fog, but this is the trollop of the trove. This is because you are talking about very specific aspect of behaviors which can so easily be revealed as complete fabrication.
You can use your negatives as strengths. At least some of them, but the ones listed above are jokes and would end up being a description for how you lead rather than actual positive attributes. The only time they would ever work would be in disposable relationships where you are attempting to use your power, which you already have, against a smaller weaker force. So these won’t help you succeed but with more or less describe how you will rule. Otherwise each corrodes the very basis of having a relationship to begin with.
At times you may have to goad a person to drive them which falls under duplicitousness and being overly critical. This doesn’t warrant an apology because you are investing in them. Combining rudeness with duplicitousness undermines you completely.
Being lazy is always just being lazy. No one will ever look at you and say, he may be lazy but at least he got it done. Doing things with ease and grace is completely different than being lazy. This alone shows a complete utter lack of refinement in your thought as well as your manners.
So essentially, I would hate to have you as my boss because it is obvious you don’t realize how to value things. Who would want to sail if you had no one to sail with. Frankly, I find it disturbing that you are employed at all.