How Dropping Out Of College Can Save Your Life
“One has to kill a few of one’s natural selves to let the rest grow — a very painful slaughter of innocents.” – Henry Sidwick.
You, the ambitious young person, how many of your natural selves have you identified yet? How many of them are suffocating? Are you prepared for the collateral damage that’s going to come along with letting the best version of you out?
Ryan, college student 1 year from graduating with honors
Ryan, the Hollywood executive and wunderkind
Ryan, director of marketing for American Apparel
All dead before 25. May they rest in pieces.
I am a perpetual drop out, quitting, abandoning or changing paths just as many others in my position would be getting comfortable. By Sidwick’s terms, I guess I am a serial killer. This “slaughter” made room for the exponential growth of Ryan Holiday, published author. But he better not get comfortable either. Because he too may have to be killed one day. And that will be a good thing.
Because the future belongs to those who have the guts to pull the trigger. Who can drop out and fend for themselves. If you’re reading this site, you might already be contemplating a decision like that. I want to show you why it might be the right call for you and how to do it.
The Big Myth
“It wasn’t quite a choice, it was a realization. I was 28 and I had a job as a market researcher. One day I told my psychiatrist that what I really wanted to do was quit my job and just write poetry. And the psychiatrist said, ‘Why not?’ And I said, ‘What would the American Psychoanalytic Association say?’ And he said, ‘There’s no party line.’” – Allen Ginsberg
Let’s get the big myth out of the way. There’s not much dropping involved in dropping out of school. When I did it, I remember walking to the registrar’s office — I was so nervous. My parents had disowned me, I needed to move to a new city, the girl whose job I stole hated me. Why was I doing it? I’d just helped sign my first multi-platinum rock act and I wasn’t about to go back to the dorms and tolerate reading in the newspaper about other people doing my work. I was 20 years old.
I’m here to drop out of school, I announced to the registrar (like I was some presidential candidate who thinks he literally has to throw his hat into a ring). In fact, as my advisor informed me, that wasn’t exactly necessary. I could take a leave of absence for up to a year and possibly more, without even jeopardizing my scholarship. I braced for the same condescending, paternalistic lecture I’d gotten from my parents. It didn’t come. These people were happy for me. And if I submitted the right forms, I might even be able to get course credit for the work. How’s that for a party line?
So I took the plunge, and like many big risks, it turned out that dropping out of school was more manageable than I could have ever anticipated.
What I Wish I’d Known
I get a lot of emails from kids who are on the verge of dropping out. They always seem so scared. And I empathize with them. I know I was scared when I quit. Even billionaires, years removed from the decision that has now, in their case, been clearly vindicated, still speak of the hesitation they felt when they left school. Were they doing the right thing? What would happen? Were they throwing everything away?
It’s the scariest and most important decision most young entrepreneurs, writers, artists will ever make. So naturally, they take it very seriously. But doing that — taking it so seriously — almost wrecked me.
I remember pulling into a parking space one day a few months after dropping out, stressed and on the verge of a breakdown. Why am I killing myself over this?, I thought. It’s just life. Suddenly, a wave of calm washed over me. I was doing what young people are supposed to do: take risks. There is no need to stress over anything so seriously, let alone school (as someone told me later, he’d gotten sick when he was in college and missed 18 months of school. He’s 50 now and a year and half seems like two seconds). I’m not going to starve. I’m not going to die. There is nothing that can’t be undone. Just relax. Relax. And I did. And it worked.
If I’d realized it sooner, I could have avoided many needlessly sleepless nights.
I also wish someone had given me some more practical advice:
- Try to have a few months money on hand. It makes you feel less pressure and gives you more power in negotiating situations.
- Keep a strong network of friends — college friends especially. The unusualness of your situation is a warping pressure.
- Keep connected to normal people so you can stay normal.
- Take notes! I wish I’d written down my observations and lessons for myself the first time I dropped because it wasn’t my last time and I could prepared better for round II and III.
Why I Did It Again (and again)
When I dropped out of school, I was betting on myself. It was a good bet (one that surprised me, honestly). In less than 3 years, I’d worked as a Hollywood executive, researched for and promoted multiple NYT bestsellers, and was Director of Marketing for one of the most provocative companies on the planet. I had achieved more than I ever could have dreamed of — the scared, overwhelmed me of 19 could have never conceived of having done all that. (Which is why I killed that younger version of me). Yet, I knew it was time to drop out again. The six-figure job had to go. It was time for the next phase in my life. What I had, just like college had been, was holding me back.
That’s exactly what I did. I left and moved 2,000 miles away to write a book. It was wracking and risky and hard for everyone in my life to understand. But I was prepared this time. I knew what to expect. I’d saved my money, I built up my support system and I refused to take it too seriously. Whatever happened, I probably wouldn’t die.
…and I didn’t. In fact, within six months I’d sold the book to Penguin for several times my previous salary and was securely on my new path.
Welcome to the Future
I, and the many people who email me, seem to have a funny habit: We repeatedly leave and give up the things that most people work so hard to achieve. Good schools. Scholarships. Traditional jobs. Money. We don’t believe in sunk costs. If that sounds like you, then you’re probably a perpetual drop out too. Embrace it. I have.
I know that I will do it again and again in my life. Why? Because every time I do, things get better. The trial by fire works. It’s the future. The institutions we have built to prop us up seem mostly to hold creative and forward thinking people back. College is great, but it is slow and routine. Corporations can do great things, but fulfilling individuals is not one of them. Money is important but it can also be an addiction. Accomplishments like a degree or a job are not an end, they are means to an end. I’m so glad I learned that.
On your own path in life, remember the wise words of Napoleon and “Trade space for time.” (Or if you prefer the lyrics of Spoon “You will never back up an inch ever/that’s why you will not survive.”) Space is recoverable. The status of a college degree, the income from a job — recoverable. Time is not. This time you have now is it. You will not get it back. If you are stuck in a dorm room or wedged into a cubicle and what you are doing outside of those places is actually the greatest possible use of you, then it’s time to drop out.
Acknowledge, as Marcus Aurelius writes, the power inside you and learn to worship it sincerely. It may seem counter-intuitive that dropping out — quitting — is part of that, but it is. It’s faith in yourself. It’s about not needing a piece of paper or other people’s validation to know you have what it takes and are worth betting on. This is your life, I hope you take control and get everything you can out of it.
This post originally ran on Thought Catalog.com. Comments can be seen there. I also recommend this post 15 Reasons Why You Should Drop Out of College.
Maybe I’ve missed it somewhere – but I haven’t seen you write much on the topic of student loans. It seems you had a scholarship (per your mention in the article). I’d be interested to see if and where your opinions would shift through the lens of someone with significant student loan debt (mid/post graduation).
Not just in the context of this article, but how do loans factor into the grand schemes of a “career escape artist,” especially early on?
I’m not sure how it changes the equation. Sunk costs are sunk costs. (objectively, that is. I know how it might make the decision personally more difficult)
A person who drops out of college is a type of person who totally and completely embraces change. You have to be an active nihilist, if you are not, then you will be crushed by the world.
I was in your situation, and what I did was I took 9 credits in my last semester of Junior year. With the other 6 credits ($1800) I spent that money on validating my ideas. Luckily I found an idea that worked, and i’m never been happier.
Caveat Emptor: If you’re dropping out- have a goal or destination or something lined up. Ryan- As far as I can tell, when you’ve quit, it was for better prospects/because you had something you wanted to do, not because the going got hard or difficult. Important distinction.
Yes, absolutely. College is the best default.
This thread is ancient history, but having said that “college is the best default” would you look at a finished college degree that didn’t help as something of the “sunk cost” of what your loans were being a junior dropout? In other words I want to “kill” my college self and move on since I now have new goals and ambitions?
I say this because had I read this 2 years ago I would have dropped out, at least knowing what i know now, because I was thinking about it at that time but didn’t. College did help me realize what I know now but had I realized that sooner I would have dropped out and/or transferred a second time.
But the “$40,000” I racked up has been giving me nightmares. I know what I want to do now and have a plan, so do you think I should “drop out” even though I didn’t, stop worrying about the loans and learn what I need to learn and work on that goal?
These are great thoughts even for someone going through a late in life career change. I tracked down Henry Sidgwick’s original quote in google books.
To F. Myers from Cambridge, August 2
… I always feel that I should like to [be] as many people as possible (the right sort of people—I am afraid I should not include a French enfant du silcle), if they would all live harmoniously and come out in the right weather in a sort of Dutch-barometrical way. Practically one has to kill a few of one’s natural selves (between the ages of twenty-five and thirty-five) to let the rest grow—a very painful slaughter of innocents.
From “Henry Sidgwick” By Arthur Sidgwick, Eleanor Mildred Sidgwick
Ryan, I totally relate to what you’re saying because this is what I should have done, but didn’t. In fact, I did two colleges at the same time to end up working online, which I learnt by myself.
I didn’t drop out, because I didn’t have the balls. I was brainwashed to believe that the only way to be successful is to get a college degree or two.
My advice to 18 year olds reading this:
Just start doing your own thing as you leave high school. Learn by doing. If you don’t know what your thing is go on a journey to discover it either literally or metaphorically.
If you are at college right now and you know it’s not your path, please don’t just stay because you’ve invested so much already and you don’t want it all to go to waste. The sooner you move on the better.
One more thing, as you say Ryan, don’t take the decision too seriously, because you’ll panic and not make a decision, which will still be a decision, but not one you made.
The only bad decision is the one you didn’t make.
Very inspiring Ryan. The part that really caught my attention was, “Corporations can do great things, but fulfilling individuals is not one of them. Money is important but it can also be an addiction. Accomplishments like a degree or a job are not an end, they are means to an end.” I have found that to be true throughout my entire life. One question I have though, is do you think you will every get to a point when you are complacent and no longer feel the need for change?
Great article Ryan. Two points/thoughts.
First, what’s great about your points here is that you talk about proactively killing your identity. Recognizing that the time is approaching where this self will be holding you back before it actually is, and there is significant growth /marginal benefit to be gained from killing that identity and moving on. Most people will not kill that identity until they absolutely have to, i.e. growth is 0 for quite some time or is becoming negative. However, in many situations people are so afraid to kill that identity at all that they never do, holding on to an extent that it is pathological (for an extreme example see: http://lonelyvirgil.net/)
Second, your points above have some close similarities, but also some distinctions from a part of The Art of Controversy by Schopenhauer that I was reading recently. Whereas your concepts here focus more on your identity as a specific type of person, Schopenhauer gets down to the idea of the core self (unchangeable), and the multiple selves that are in constant struggle.
“…While he can be only one thing thoroughly, he has the disposition to be everything else, and the inalienable possibility of being it. If he has made his choice of one thing, all the other possibilities are always open to him, and are constantly claiming to be realised; and he has therefore to be continuously keeping them back, and to be overpowering and killing them as long as he wants to be that one thing…” (full essay here, http://www.gutenberg.org/files/10731/10731.txt)
Question: You’ve “killed” several Ryans. What’s your clue that it’s time to kill the next one?
I think it’ll be something I’ll feel. But I imagine it will be “Ryan the business person/marketer”
Hey Ryan! Tiny glitch, the link to your book in the “left and moved 2,000 miles” is a relative link without proper http:// so it’s pointing back to your website.
Otherwise great post! Thanks for writing.
Hey Ryan, (sorry for starting this off with the same thing as everybody else)
I was just wondering what your thoughts were for young people (I’m only 16) who aren’t actually sure what they want to do with their lives. I’ve thought I’d study medicine in college, but I’ve realised that I don’t feel that passionate (or whatever) about it and could probably get a lot out of doing something different (in any kind of other field). Anyway, it would be much appreciated if you could give some of your thoughts on this
Great blog though and this is a great article!
Go to college, it’s the best default. But I would probably not pick medicine if I was not passionate about it.
I’m an artist and wrote a children’s book. I also have done outreach for ages. I went back to school for graphic design, and found the teacher to be far less compassionate than expected. When she could jump in and teach a little more, to help students to succeed, she chose to relax a little and let them fail. I don’t want to be that kind of a designer. I think the heart has a lot to do with true success in life. Do you give advice to struggling artists, or assist with channels for contacts? I was awarded a top prize at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in Tokyo, and have been offered a few contracts with well known companies, like Norwegian Cruise Lines and the Grand Hyatt. I did what was required and have art photos for attachments, available on request. I am thinking to drop out of college again, today, and just found this article on the internet. It is 3:40 am.
I landed up here after googling about this topics. I am a computer science engineering. I had loans but I paid that with my money(I do web security consulting ,bug hunting) . I made money all day and night, made a lot . In the way I lost interest in my college courses. I don’t have any idea what I want to do (may be consulting ,bug hunting or freelance programming ). Totally confused . Ryan any comment on my situation ?
If you like what you’re doing and it are in fact doing it right now, why would you stay in school?
I don’t know what to do I am an electrical engineering student and am interested in UAVs but my college sucks
2.Rote learning like u have never seen before
3.truly pathetic condition of teachers snatch away their notes they are at same level as students
4.Unhealthy conditions for inculcating good innovative conditions
I had a keen interest in electronics and computers it’s all gone after coming to this college idk what should I do I want to undo what has happened to me any comments
Hey Ryan, this was such a good read! I have always been a person who has welcomed change. I jump from activity to activity and people would always view as me quitting or not trying hard enough but it was simply me getting bored and wanting to do something different. I am now a college freshman and see that this is not what I want to do, I am basically wasting time. I have a plan of action that I will take but I wanted to know more about your 3 year journey after dropping out.
I would really appreciate a response.
Thank You =)
I too recently have killed one of my selves. Coming across this article has left me in a state of confidence. Despite my families immediate disapproval of me branching away from college, I still feel that within my self its the right choice.
Opportunities are flourishing around me left and right and having to say “no” because of school seems to be wasting opportunity. I used to think that school was the right path and now I am starting to feel that its setting me back.
I embrace that fact that I am a perpetual dropout! My mom was in my face, quite politely but harsh as well, just last night describing me as a perpetual drop out who never completes anything. It’s just that I find fulfillment in different areas.
I feel like right now I want to break away and its frightening… but at the same time its exciting. Thanks for your article, Ryan.
How do you know you need to drop out? Externally, I have no need to drop out. My grades are excellent, the college is pretty good, scholarships are good, and I love my friends here. But I can’t help getting this nostalgic feeling every time I fall asleep in class, thinking about how I could be making a living with my art rather than taking classes I don’t really want. Is this common, to drop out because of boredom and the knowledge that I can live what I make? or is it simply a case of “the grass is greener on the other side of the fence”?
Wow your article opened up a new world of ideas an encourages me to really live out what I feel.
My story has been a long one and what should have been an enjoyable college experience has been a nightmare. I went to community college for architecture first thinking it would be beneficial to transfer doing the same courses all while saving money. Long story short the classes didn’t transfer over and i basically lost 2 years of my time, and became a freshman again once i transferred over to a university. I became frustrated with the system and change majors into business which seemed practical and i would graduate sooner than begging architecture from scratch. I’m currently on my “junior” year of that degree and absolutely hate every moment of it. There’s no motivation no passion, everything is monotone and dull. I see myself without any motivation to do well in classes and seeing my grades go lower and lower only makes me feel like a failure. This morning i woke up and felt that there’s no point to what I’m doing. My passion is to create and design. I have a natural ability and passion to design. I’ve won awards for design in the past and have even created logos for companies in my city etc. I have researched about making my own fitness line of clothing and even have a logo and name designed already. I feel like school is currently just setting me back financially more than helping me. I really am thinking about if dropping out would be the sane thing to do in my case. It’s been a rocky journey to nowhere it seems lately. This article is really making me think about my future and if maybe dropping out is the right move towards my happiness and personal fulfillment.
I’m in the same boat, excepting my major (psychology) and passion (culinary). I haven’t been to classes in weeks because going to class and being surrounded by blissful and ignorant younger freshman learning the same concepts that I’ve learned repeatedly since high school literally drives me insane. Instead of class, I spend my time looking up different recipes, cooking techniques, and trying to convince myself that I’m not a failure. I truly believe that I could be an all A student, but I could not be more disinterested in school. This leads to negative thinking and constant self loathing because I see myself as a failure in everyone else’s (especially my parents) eyes. I don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m going. This cycle has been continuing for almost a year and a half now. I’m just starting to realize that I am the only person holding me back. No more. Good luck, and awesome article, Ryan! I needed this!
Before joining Degree I went for a diploma (Computers). That time I did it for the fun of learning about computers. I was taught the same skills that I would be learning in degree. I don’t see any point in continuing. I have learned whatever I needed to learn about computers since chilhood.
I have decided that I would drop out on Wednesday. I am not sure what will be next but pretty sure that I would not gain anything useful out of a degree.
OMG! Thank you for writing this! I found myself crying as I can relate so much to this. I dropped out college months ago. I only need to take 1 semester and 1 year of internship and I’m good to be a degree holder. But, I thought that it wasn’t really what I wanted to be. College was so suffocating and toxic. The effects were not good already. I had constant bad thoughts (hello suicide) because of college. Things weren’t good so I decided to quit. It was the best decision! Although, the first few months after dropping out were the worst. The stress, fear and disappointments were eating me alive… disappointment from parents that their daughter cannot give a diplome to them… fear of how will I get a decent job… stress from people who kept on judging for quitting. Everything was too harsh! Until one day, I tried working as a tutor. That teaching experience proved that dropping out is the best decision. It was like a “calling” that I realized about my true worth! I am so happy and fulfilled now.
BUT! My parents are forcing me to go to college again. My mother begged me to go back. It is really hard to say “no” to my mother. I love her so much and seeing her beg is very heartbreaking. In my country, people look down on someone who is a drop-out or someone who didn’t finish college. The judgments from other people (especially that professor and one friend of mine), that I am NOT able to finish college, that I am too stupid to have a degree, that I am not smart enough, are still killing me. Aside from teaching, all I want to do know is to revenge. Proving is the best revenge for that. I want to prove them wrong. Although, I know that deep inside me says no. I don’t want to go back to hell.
I want to be an architect. I got admission into the college which I wanted. After some months I realize now that I simply hate the school and the I hate someone always giving remarks and telling me what to do, I’m depressed and feel unmotivated to do architecture even though I was dieng to be in this field because of my interest. First I thought that maybe the field isn’t right for me but now I slowly realize that I want to do it but not go to architecture school as it limits my creativity and tries to make me follow up those skills which I’m not interested at all in. But for becoming an architect i need the Council of Architecture certificate in order to approve the plan in my country and that’s only possible by doing the degree in college and spending 10- 5 everyday there and rest time doing irrelevant assignments. I really want to be an architect though, I want to establish my firm and I admire Steve Jobs! But should I really drop out I don’t know, even though I want to somewhere inside my mind! What should I do?