Sept. 15th marked a relatively monumental transition in my life. My 3+ year relationship left that weird breakup limbo and officially died. I entered what would be a whirlwind of depression and acquisition of knowledge. I dedicated myself fully to intellectual pursuits and swore off–with a few regretful exceptions–women entirely. Within that cycle, I was fitfully productive, reading at one point, 3 extracurricular books a week, running 25-30 miles, interning at Rudius, holding an editorship, and going to class everyday. Of course I see now, that I was doing everything I could to keep from analyzing what I’d done and why I’d gotten there. And now, in a better place, I’m finally able to look at the mistakes I’ve made objectively. But even as I was–literally and figuratively–running away from what ailed me, I got a lot done. And I got to know myself.

I know what I like. What I believe. Who I agree with. What’s bullshit. Where to find truth. Who speaks it. Where we came from. What we are. How I want to live life. Where I want to live it. How to do it. And most importantly, the dire consequences of a life without that sort of self-awareness.

The meta-lesson though, is that I realize (again, with many a relapse) that in the big picture, I know very little. And though I have what I’d call a head start, it’s worthless if I let up for even a second to breath. I must continually reaffirm the crucial answers that I found at the bottom of the hole I crawled into. I must ask myself again and again “What do I like, What do I believe, What’s Bullshit, What is truth, Have I found it, How can I keep it?”

And I was able to do that through the following books. So I thought I’d share them. I’d link them through Amazon to get the affiliate links, but honestly, it’s just not worth the time. Seriously though, read every single one of them. There isn’t a single I wouldn’t recommend–even if just to do the opposite of what the author says.

Rules for Radicals–Saul D. Alinsky

The Long Tail–Chris Anderson

The Moral Animal–Robert Wright

An Army of Davids–Glenn Reynolds

Sex on the Brain–Deborah Blum

The Discourses–Epictetus

The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt–Edmund Morris

The Big Picture–Edward Jay Epstein

The Meditations–Marcus Aurelius (4 times)

Fight Club–Chuck Palahniuk (2 times)

Choke–Chuck Palahniuk

The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind–Julian Jaynes

My Bondage and My Freedom–Frederick Douglass

Liar’s Poker–Michael Lewis

Next–Michael Lewis

The New New Thing–Michael Lewis

The Autobiography of Malcolm X–Malcolm X, Alex Haley

History of the Peloponnesian War–Thucydides

On War–Von Clausewitz

Gates of Fire–Steven Pressfield

The Virtues of War–Steven Pressfield

The War of Art–Steven Pressfield

Sperm Wars–Robin Baker

A Man in Full–Tom Wolfe

48 Laws of Power–Robert Greene (Again)

33 Strategies of War–Robert Greene (Again)

The Tipping Point–Malcolm Gladwell

Blink–Malcolm Gladwell

The God Delusion–Richard Dawkins

The Gift of Fear–Gavin De Becker

Made to Stick–Chip and Dan Heath

East of Eden–John Steinbeck

The Origins of Virtue–Matt Ridley

Wisdom of Crowds–James Surowicki

Boyd: The Fight Pilot who Changed the Art of War–Robert Coram

The Secret–Rhonda Byrne

Caesar–Christian Meier

Don’t Think of an Elephant: Know your values and frame the debate–George Lakoff

Whoever Fights Monsters–Robert K. Ressler

The Strategy Paradox–Michael E. Raynor

(And for class I read a few others that didn’t totally blow. The Sweet Hereafter, The World According to Garp, The Awakening, In the Bedroom, and then some textbooks…)

“At dawn, when you have trouble getting out of bed, tell yourself: ‘I have to go to work–as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I’m going to do what I was born for–the things which I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm?’

–But it’s nicer here…

So you were born to feel “nice?” Instead of doing things and experiencing them? Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands?

–But we have to sleep sometime…

Agreed. But nature set a limit on that–as it did on eating and drinking. And you’re over the limit. But not of working. There you’re still below your quota. You don’t love yourself enough. Or you’d love your nature too and what it demands of you. People who love what they do wear themselves down doing it, they even forget to wash and eat.”

– Marcus Aurelius

Every morning I have that dialog with myself, and so long as I come away siding with Aurelius, I feel like I’ve won. It’s not fun and surely it’s not easy. In some cases it borders on insanity and OCD. Little, meaningless things take on monumental importance–because I cannot NOT do them because it means appeasement. And I know that it is indeed a slippery slope, that once you begin the practice of capitulation to the Resistance, it never ends. There’s that Russell Banks book–The Sweet Hereafter–where the bus driver mentions that in 50/50 situations she always “errs on the side of the angels,” meaning she always gives God the benefit of the doubt. That’s the policy I’d like to base my life on, erring on the side of dedication, of hard work, of commitment.

And that’s the crucial question that Aurelius’ passage poses: You’ve had plenty of sleep…but have you had enough work?

….and fully aware of the irony, I’m enjoying my mini-vacation in Santa Barbara.

–Subject to Change: Tips for Good Email Subject Lines

(Getting your email read is the most important part. Learn how to catch the eye)

–Seth Godin on how to virally market your book

(You have to give content away before it can spread via word of mouth)

-Charteo.us

(It’s a cool way to track the sales of books on Amazon. But their registration process sucks. I’m not sure why.)

–Popuri.us

(Check the stats of sites, Alexa rank, technorati ran, google page rank, del.icio.us, rss, etc. Great tool. Hat tip to TechCrunch for the last two.

–Wikipedia: Ultimatum Game

(The ultimatum game is an experimental economics game in which two parties interact anonymously and only once, so reciprocation is not an issue. The first player proposes how to divide a sum of money with the second party. If the second player rejects this division, neither gets anything. If the second accepts, the first gets his demand and the second gets the rest. Proof that humans don’t always act rational, and that game theory can’t always be used to explain projected action)