Enough for Me
A little over two and a half years ago, Tucker and I ate at a turkish restaurant on the Lower East Side. He pointed to an American Apparel across the street, a company I had never heard of, and said you know, the owner pays Robert Greene a ton of money every month to answer his phone whenever he needs him. I thought, goddamn, that would be the life.
I spent most of the month of May living in an apartment above that store, working for Dov, answering to what amounts to a less lucrative, more hands on version of that job description. I was in the courtroom when the lawsuit over the billboard got settled and I thought, holy shit, Woody Allen.
Later, Tucker and I walked to the Barnes and Noble where he bought me the 33 Strategies of War. I read it on the plane back to Sacramento. He said, if I was going to work for him, I better know what was in it. And when Dov called me and told me we were flying back for the trial, I had just a few hours notice before my flight. I went to sleep and grabbed the abridged version of the War book on my way out the door.
Day before yesterday, I went to my girlfriend’s undergrad graduation ceremony. The one I would have been walking in, theoretically, had I not dropped out. I was impartial observer. Like I had no connection to these people, had never been one of them. Aaron had been right when he told me I could never go back, I would have been chasing a ghost.
In some ways, that’s about as close to the narrative arc as you can get. The dream it and you can do it. But I’m trying not to shy away from that for a reason. The Epicureans believed in storing up little pleasures and tucking them away until you needed them. Things that no one could ever take away, not even the worst of fate could prevent you from recalling and remembering. Though Viktor Frankl rooted his philosophy in Stoicism, in fact, it was this idea that he turned to over and over again at Auschwitz.
On my twenty second birthday I’m trying to keep in mind that there isn’t one thing that could happen, good or bad or luck or curse, that would change what I felt when I realized I was sitting in the same fucking chair as before. That more or less it was gravy from here. It was already what I’d asked for and thought too much to actually expect. And in that sense its not so much a fallacy as it is a kind of freedom.
you were 19 years old before you had heard of american apparel?
…what?
I don’t think a narrative fallacy is a problem unless your reflection of the narrative is an unhealthy one, or the narrative itself is inaccurate. It only becomes a problem when it starts affecting you negatively. You’ve accomplished exceptional things and the narrative is just an account of those things. I think this is only an issue because this reflection, for a humble, smart person, inevitably serves as a reminder putting into perspective how much more you (or anyone) could possibly accomplish, and the pressure that comes with that, which then (for me at least) turns into ultimately questioning the meaning of doing anything at all. At the end of the day, it’s making you feel good and that’s all there really is.
AND HOW DID YOU NOT HEAR ABOUT AMERICAN APPAREL UNTIL YOU WERE 19?! Just kidding. Even if my comment here doesn’t make sense to you, at least I’m not that guy.
Happy Birthday Ryan.
I had a hard time working out the timeline of events in the first three paragraphs. Your last paragraph was a little hard to understand. Starting sentences with ‘That’ works well for you but this time was confusing. I don’t know if you look for this kind of feedback, but this is a post I had to read 2-3 times to understand.
Congratulations on the freedom and gravy.
I had never heard of American Apparel until Ryan’s article on 4hourworkweek.com. Then again, I’m still 19 and not an informed, urbane 19 either.
Congratulations dude. Nothing feels better than working hard in the face of both self-doubt and anonymous criticism from small-minded idiots and finally seeing the results.
Ryan, love your blog and over the past year have gotten a lot from it…but you confused me on this one.
J
Gotta say I like this blog Ryan, but I’m unsubscribing.
Being a non-US resident, I only just found out what American apparel actually was… and… far out man, how can a dude with unusual-for-a-22-y.o insight like yours work for a bunch of scum-suckers like that? Seriously! And to take the cake you post about Stoicism… The contradiction is breath-taking!
You know in a club there’s always a fat, creepy guy cracking onto women left right and centre? That’s American Apparel.
Honestly, I wish you good luck. But you’re a little lost right now.
good riddance you self-righteous idiot
After being in school for three years now, I have immense amounts of respect for someone who discovers early on that it is not for them. Perhaps it is because we live in a different time now that school is not nearly as important as it used to be (my parents tell me that all the time). But I bet your parents pounded you over the head with the whole ‘This is the only way!’ idea all the time! You’ve kept your head up and the man down and that’s pretty fucking baller.
Blah Blah Blah. This is what all these comments sound to me. Have you ever thought it might be better to be hidden?
Read this Wed and happened to walk by that corner. For those non-NYC readers: tinyurl.com/muorjg
Re: Enough. Soak it up, because it’s more ephemeral than you can imagine. I like the Epicurean way of thinking about it very much — thanks for putting it in that perspective.
Re: American Apparel. I lost track of this, so I appreciate your linking to Dov’s statement. I think he’s failing to appreciate the distinction between referencing (some would say co-opting) public figures for the purpose of artistic expression and referencing them for commercial gain. American Apparel isn’t Andy Warhol. In his statement, Dov doesn’t mention any legal precedent involving a commercial advertisement; the only legal precedents involve artists (alas, even Larry Flint). His insurance company was smart to settle for this reason (and at half price, too!). But AA also did everyone a favor, because the price floor for this kind of commercial “reference” has now been set: $5 million (plus legal costs). And, of course, the old saying applies as it so often does: it’s sometimes easier to apologize than to ask permission. I think this was played shrewdly by all parties, including Woody Allen, who got paid in the absence of a contractual agreement. That’s not easy to do.
I’ve got to second AEthelraed: fucking baller is right.
I look back at my decision to go to college and it was not a decision. There wasn’t even a moment’s serious consideration given to alternatives. It was always a certainty in my mind that I would get a BA, come hell or high water.
In retrospect, OF COURSE it makes sense–as a member of the generation with the largest glut of aimless college-goers ever–to distinguish yourself by NOT going to college. Yes, a degree still has utility as social signaling, but how much brighter is your signal when you succeed sans degree? Especially when every employer knows most BAs were foregone conclusions from the moment of inception: with some exceptions, BAs signal that you have internalized The Process and are prepared to don the yoke of wage-slavery on weekdays and live life on weekends until at least 55.
Unless you are in a top-rung school that can afford brilliant professors or you have a concrete goal to which your education is leading you, you are either paying for four more years of nursery school (during which you will hopefully mature, although it’s unlikely) or completely wasting your money. In either case you are deferring your engagement with reality and inadvertently classing yourself as a member of an affluent flock of compass-less sheeple.
If you don’t define what you want, you cannot be successful. Nothing printed on paper will replace the pull of a personal goal; not diplomas, not cash. If you are going to college as a matter of course, chances are, you have not defined success for yourself. Maybe you will find it at school, but remember that even school has an opportunity cost. It is by no means the only way to go.
Keep important options tabled. The big ones are sometimes the easiest to miss.
I liked this post. It has a happier tone than a lot of your other ones do.
“And in that sense its not so much a fallacy as it is a kind of freedom.”
I’m not understanding this sentence, specifically the antecedent you are referring to.
Otherwise the message I pulled from this, was, take the time to step back and enjoy your hard work? Appreciate where you are currently at as opposed to a less favorable position from the past.
I used to be a scumbag drug addict, and over the past couple of years I sobered up and have really worked my ass off to turn my life around and do something with it. I’m a pre-med student now and loving it a lot, but at times I get too caught up in the present moment, in negative feelings, to appreciate the big picture and how far I have progressed.
“That more or less it was gravy from here. It was already what I’d asked for and thought too much to actually expect” I can really relate to that.
Sam, I write a lot about the narrative fallacy. It’s what I was referring to. Congrats on your sobriety.
https://ryanholiday.net/archives/the_narrative_fallacy.phtml
https://ryanholiday.net/archives/post_38.phtml