Turning Pro
I worked late last night at somebody’s mansion. A big, 20’s style house on a hill with 360 degree views of the city. And even though he’s worth hundreds of millions of dollars, the owner spent most of the night pacing frantically, trying to find the right words for exactly what he wanted to say.
“After a few months practice, David lamented to his teacher, “but I can hear the music so much better in my head than I can get out of my fingers.” To which the Master replied “What makes you think that will ever change?” – Art & Fear
I am starting to think that maybe greatness comes not from transcending that disparity but from embracing and accepting it. Running wasn’t any easier yesterday than last April. I was still way more excited about the ‘idea’ of it than actually going out and doing it. It took 4 discarded posts until I fell into this one. I’m not still quite there yet either.
He eventually got it, or at least close enough to be satisfied. Then we moved onto the next thing and started the process over again early this morning.
The difference between he and I, I think, is that he’s spent the last decade well aware of the fact that it’ll always look better in his head than when it comes out of the factory. But that hasn’t changed him at all. That doesn’t stop the factory. I’m sure it kills him when something doesn’t come out perfect or he just can’t get it right. If we want to talk about Turning Pro, maybe the real mark is someone who understands the odds and does it anyway.
After finishing this post, I began backtracking through Turning Pro, and from that, some of your older posts. They helped me finally put words to an idea I have been toying with for quite some time: our struggles, not our accomplishments, ultimately shape who we are.
I am a perfectionist by nature, but a couple years ago I finally had to force myself into a moment of self-reflection, realizing that I could either live in a constant state of misery and enter college all the more cynical and burned-out, or strike a balance between self-motivated hard work and unrealistic expectations.
I consider myself fortunate in that I managed to find my personal boundary between obsession and satisfaction — though I still have urges to dedicate hours in excess to a paper or a project, I’ve learned to manage my time better to redirect energy away from staring at a blank computer screen to pursuing healthier, more productive activities.
It’s comforting to see that other people have the same struggles and have succeeded because of them, rather than in spite of.
you have a point
I find it incredibly difficult sometimes to express what I am thinking in my head as a blog post.
But I find a stupid amount of pride in getting it out, as close as possible to what is in my head at the time.
Although it may not exist the same way it does in our imagination as it does in reality, I take solace in the fact that I can always refine, practice and work on my Process.
Good post mate!
Excellent post, Ryan.
It made me think about what I want to do with my life. I’ve pondered it many times, but it’s posts/statements like these that make my mind “click” in a moment of supreme self-reflection. It always comes as something I know deep down, but when the realization hits, it’s just like, “Whoa,” because it comes in such clarity it’s temporarily mind-boggling.
I suppose I’ve accepted a long time ago that I can’t do all that I want because I simply want to see and do a lot of things. I’d like to develop a cure for AIDS, cancer, mortality, stupidity, ignorance, arrogance; I’d like to be a businessman; I want to be famous; I want to be anonymous; I want to be rich, but I don’t want to sacrifice my life on something I don’t really care about; I want a family, yet I don’t wish to grow up. I suppose if I killed myself trying, I could complete maybe one of my more grandiose schemes, but is the price of giving up my entire life for a single pursuit worth it? Sure, some are noble causes and everything, but then I wouldn’t really appreciate life for what it is.
I have to compromise and accept that what I do in life is something that will allow me to be happy. I could devote a better portion of my life trying to be financially set, but I feel that in doing so, I’d compromise my character, which I’m not willing to do. I refuse to let mediocrity become reality. This post just made me think of all of the other people in the world who didn’t let mediocrity become their realities either.
Would you say he’s really embracing the disparity?
Seems like he’s a mess over getting the wording right… not a state of mind I can accomplish a lot in.