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RyanHoliday.net - Meditations on strategy and life
Blog

To Everyone Who Asks For ‘Just A Little’ Of Your Time: Here’s What It Costs To Say Yes

To the person who emailed me this morning with a perfectly nice request,

I’m sorry to say the answer is no.

You didn’t do anything wrong. You were perfectly respectful and within your rights to ask about arranging a time for a meeting (or was it for a phone call or about setting a date for that project we discussed, I don’t recall).

The problem isn’t you. There is something wrong with me.

I have a form of anorexia.

Don’t be alarmed. It’s not serious, though I take it quite seriously. Because it’s probably the only form that’s healthy. In fact, I think it’s the secret to my success.

I have calendar anorexia.

I want as absolutely little in my calendar as possible. I’m meticulous about it. Whatever the least amount possible I can have in my calendar without killing my career—that’s what I want.

To be clear, this isn’t some nonsense about not putting things in the calendar, like someone who says they’re on a diet but eats a lot. This is about committing to and scheduling next to nothing on a daily and weekly basis.

Want to set up a quick call to chat? Should we have coffee next week? Let’s get together to discuss?

Nope, nope, nope.

I could, but I just can’t.

Even if they are serious opportunities, even if it will only take 15 minutes, even if it’s something that everyone else does, I’d like to avoid it.

Of course, I’m not perfect at this. I succumb, like everyone else in the modern world (so if you think I’m being a hypocrite, I am…and that’s why I really have to say no this time). There’s stuff I have to do and that stuff has to be scheduled. There are requirements for work and for basic civility. But even then…

When I pull up my phone, click the day’s date and see too many little boxes of time blocked off, I get very nervous. What is all this? Where did all my time go? What about my day? Why did I agree to any of this again? (The answer is usually because it was really far away and I thought it would magically work itself out.)

And then the most fearful question: How will I be able to write?

I want two or three things in there at most. The rest is for me. The rest is not allowed to be scheduled. And if it is scheduled, it better be because I’m getting paid or I really, really wanted to do it. Everything else is for suckers.

Paul Graham has a famous essay about managers vs makers. There are two ways to run your life, he says. Managers know that their day is divided up in pieces for meetings, calls, and administrative tasks. Makers, on the other hand, need to have large blocks of uninterrupted, unscheduled time to do what they do. To create and think.

When people ask how I manage to get so much writing done, my anorexia is the answer. Same goes for how I’ve managed to keep a healthy relationship and how I manage to exercise and read. I keep a maker’s schedule because I believe that anything else is anathema to deep work or creativity.

Early in one’s creative career, this is relatively easy. Mostly because no one really wants much of your time. But as you achieve any measure of success in your field, this changes. It’s not a malicious thing. It’s actually an enormous compliment and a validation of your hard work.

But the result is that you have more opportunities and responsibilities that can reasonably be accommodated. And how you choose to respond to this determines the course of your career (and in my opinion, your personal sanity and happiness).

In Ego is the Enemy, I tell a story about George Marshall. While he was cabinet member in the Truman administration, he was asked to sit for an official portrait. Though I’m sure he did what he could to get out of it, for whatever reason, Marshall was unable to. So he went, on several days, to sit for the artist, spending who knows how many hours still as…well…a portrait. On the final day, the artist informed Marshall that the portrait was complete. Marshall quickly got up, thanked him and began to walk out the door. The artist was surprised. He’d just spent all this time sitting, didn’t he want to at least see the painting?

The answer was no. Marshall didn’t want to spend one second more than he had to. He definitely didn’t care what he looked like in some picture.

I always thought it was strange to hear actors complain about the two weeks of media they had to do to promote their movies. Who doesn’t like publicity? Isn’t that the whole perk of being famous? But then, over the last few years, I started to understand. These interviews were a major time and energy suck. It’s disrupting their life—a life where the rest of the time, they make their own schedule. Worse, it’s to do something repetitive and unfulfilling, answering the same questions over and over again, asked by people who usually haven’t even seen their work.

When I ranted about podcasts last year, it was in part, my own realization of the same idea. The podcast is fun for the person making it. For the person agreeing to be on it, that’s an hour of their time they’re giving up. Both sides seem to fundamentally miss the magnitude of that imposition. But one is selfish if they point it out, or refuse to play along, except on their own terms. And so most don’t.

Seneca writes that if all the geniuses in history were to get together, none would be able explain our baffling relationship with time. He says,

No person would give up even an inch of their estate, and the slightest dispute with a neighbor can mean hell to pay; yet we easily let others encroach on our lives—worse, we often pave the way for those who will take it over. No person hands out their money to passers-by, but to how many do each of us hand out our lives! We’re tight-fisted with property and money, yet think too little of wasting time, the one thing about which we should all be the toughest misers.

You can only hand so many hours of your day over to other people before there is none left. Even if there are some left, you may have lost the clarity, the energy and the capacity to do anything with them.

The goal in my impossible, perfectionist calendar-anorexic mind is that one day I’ll have enough control and discipline that there will be no distinction in my schedule between a weekday and a weekend. Every day will be Saturday. Will feel like a Saturday. No interruptions. No feeling like this or that must be because someone else wants it to be. All white space in the calendar. Free. Productive.

It’s in that mindset and that lifestyle that I do my best work. So I do my best to recreate it however possible, that is, in modern life where one has a job, obligations, and responsibilities. However many times I have to say no, or things I have to miss out on to make that happen.

But even anorexia fails as a metaphor. Because food, once consumed, can be burned off. Even Seneca’s property metaphor fails too. Property can be regained, money can be re-earned.

Time? Time is our most irreplaceable asset—we cannot buy more of it. We cannot get a second of it back. We can only hope to waste as little as possible. Yet somehow we treat it as most renewable of all resources.

So if you’re asking if we can chat or get together. The answer is no.

I’m sorry. But I have this condition.

I hope you can understand.

This post was originally published on Thought Catalog.

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April 15, 2018by Ryan Holiday
Blog

14 Ways To Make Journaling One Of The Best Things You Do In 2018

The list of successful and wise and brilliant people who made time to journal is almost unbelievable: Oscar Wilde, Susan Sontag, Marcus Aurelius, John Quincy Adams, Anne Frank, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Virginia Woolf, Henry David Thoreau, Joan Didion. And those are just the people we know about, who talked about it, who didn’t ask that their journals be burned upon their death. Why were they so dedicated to this daily exercise? It was because, to paraphrase Susan Sontag, in a journal they were able not simply to express themselves openly, but in those pages, they were able to create themselves. I like Kafka’s observation about his own practice:

“In the diary you find proof that in situations which today would seem unbearable, you lived, looked around and wrote down observations, that this right hand moved then as it does today, when we may be wiser because we are able to look back upon our former condition, and for that very reason have got to admit the courage of our earlier striving in which we persisted even in sheer ignorance.”

But of course, there is often a big difference between doing something and doing something well. If you’ve struggled to journal, or had trouble seeing much in the way of results, don’t despair. It’s a habit that many have trouble getting to stick. The following tips and best practices should help. They certainly have for me.

***

[*] Set a Time — The Stoics believed that the two best times for reflection were in the morning and evening: Prepare for the day ahead; Review the day that just passed. Marcus Aurelius likely wrote his famous Meditations in the morning, while Seneca seems to have preferred the evening. As he put it, “When the light has been removed and my wife has fallen silent…I examine my entire day and go back over what I’ve done and said, hiding nothing from myself, passing nothing by.” The lesson there is not that one or the other is better but that you need to set a time and make a practice of it. If you just do it whenever you feel like it, too often you will find that you don’t feel like it and it will not become a habit.

[*] Make Time — Tony Robbins once said, describing his morning routine, that there was no excuse for him not to find ten minutes each morning to meditate and prepare himself for the day ahead. “If you don’t have 10 minutes, you don’t have a life,” was how he put it. The issue is not whether you have time or not to journal, it’s whether you are willing to make time for journaling. Is there anything more important than taking time each day to clearly define what you want to accomplish, how you want to act, clear your mind and prepare yourself for the day ahead? Maybe you don’t have 10 minutes today. But surely you have five. Or one minute. Can you start with journaling for one minute tomorrow morning?

[*] No Pressure. Just Write. — The great General George C. Marshall refused to keep a diary during World War II despite the requests of historians and friends. He worried that it would turn his quiet, reflective time into a sort of performance and self-deception. That he might second-guess difficult decisions out of concern for his reputation and future readers and warp his thinking based on how they would look. This was admirable, but most of us are not George Marshall. Don’t put the burden of history on yourself — safely assume that nobody will ever read what you are writing. Not even you. It’s about getting your thoughts on pages. As Tim Ferriss has described it, journaling is really about trapping your worries and fears on a page so you can get on with your day. To see things clearly and so that your worries don’t “bounce around all day like a bullet ricocheting inside your skull.”

[*] Have Easy Things You Put In Each Entry — Another way to make journaling more fun is to jot down little things each day which are easy to do. I would write down each morning how far I walked, how far I swam or ran, one thing I am grateful for as well as how many hours of deep work I have done the previous day. There are like little throat clearers. It helps get me started. I never look at the blank page and think, “What should I say?” because I have a bunch of go-tos that I start almost without thinking. For instance, writer James Clear records his pushups and reading habits, Nobel Prize winner Danny Kahneman suggests keeping track of the decisions you’ve made in your journal, and the Quantified Self community uses all sorts of gizmos and gadgets to keep track of different metrics in their everyday life.

[*] Keep a Logbook — Bestselling author and artist Austin Kleon has talked about keeping a logbook — writing down each day a simple list of things that have occured. Who did he meet, what did he do, etc. Why? For the same reason many of us struggle with keeping a journal: “For one thing, I’m lazy. It’s easier to just list the events of the day than to craft them into a prose narrative. Any time I’ve tried to keep a journal, I ran out of steam pretty quick.” But this still has the effect of recording what he has done and paint a portrait of each day that he can flip back years later and see what his days were like. It’s easy enough to combine this strategy with the one above. If you’re having trouble starting a journal, don’t. Start with a logbook.

[*] Start Your Private Idea Book — Thomas Edison would keep a notebooktitled “Private Idea Book” in which he kept different ideas that popped into his head, such as ‘artificial silk’ or ‘ink for the blind.’ This is similar to what bestselling author James Altucher does to exercise his “idea muscle.” He carries with him a waiter’s pad and forces himself to come up with at least ten ideas per day. Personally, I keep a separate journal I call a “commonplace book” that is a collection of quotes, ideas, stories and facts that I want to keep for later. I’m not the only one who does this. You can even look at the commonplace books of people like Lewis Carroll, Walt Whitman, and Thomas Jefferson.

[*] Don’t Break The Chain — “I’ve tried journaling before but after a couple days I just stopped doing it.” The comedian Jerry Seinfeld once gave a young comic named Brad Isaac some advice about how to write and create material. Keep a calendar, he told him, and each day that you write jokes, put an X. Soon enough, you get a chain going — and then your job is to simply not break the chain. Success becomes a matter of momentum. Once you get a little, it’s easier to keep it going. Start journaling every day, build a chain and then work not to break it. Don’t ruin your streak.

[*] Be Grateful — For The Good and The Bad — One common journaling practice is to write down the things you are grateful for. And the candidates are usually pretty obvious: We should be grateful for our families, for our health, that we live in a time of peace. But what I’ve come to do is that now in the mornings, when I journal, I try to find ways to express gratitude not for the things that are easy to be grateful for, but for what is hard. The Stoics saw gratitude as a kind of medicine, that saying “Thank you” for every experience was the key to mental health. “Convince yourself that everything is the gift of the gods,” Marcus Aurelius said, “that things are good and always will be.” No matter how poorly a situation went, or how a person treated you, find the good within them and what you can be grateful for.

[*] Develop a Shorthand — One trick that I’ve come to adopt is using little acronyms that only I know what they mean and that makes the practice more fun and efficient. For example, I’d write TAF (tired as fuck) when I am running myself ragged. This is something I saw bestselling author Robert Greene do — whenever he would encounter in a book an example that illustrates the Stoic concept of amor fati, he would write AF in the margins. I’ve come to use this both in my notecard system and now in my journaling practice. It helps speed the process up. Depending on how elaborate your shorthand becomes, you might accidentally end up like author Charles Wesley whose diary took nine years to be cracked by scholars because of its elaborate shorthand script.

[*] Unleash Your Creativity With Morning Pages — Back to the timing thing: Author Julia Cameron has become known in creative circles for her practice of Morning Pages. That is, writing three longhand stream-of-consciousness A4 pages early in the morning. Writer and producer Brian Koppelman (Billions, Rounders) has been one of the most vocal proponents of this practice and swears by it, saying he does it each morning, to get himself going creatively, “priming the pump, …getting the creative juices flowing in a very free way.” Other proponents include bestselling authors Oliver Burkemanand Tim Ferriss.

[*] Give Your Thoughts Room to Marinate — But evening pages work just as good. For instance, the founder of Linkedin, Reid Hoffman, jots down in his notebook things that he likes his mind to work on overnight. Similarly, chess prodigy and martial arts phenom Josh Waitzkin, has a similar process: “My journaling system is based around studying complexity. Reducing the complexity down to what is the most important question. Sleeping on it, and then waking up in the morning first thing and pre-input brainstorming on it. So I’m feeding my unconscious material to work on, releasing it completely, and then opening my mind and riffing on it.” By journaling questions and problems during the day, you can let your unconscious do the work and then you revisit first thing in the morning.

[*] Practice The Art of The Unsent Angry Letter — Whenever Abraham Lincoln felt a pang of anger towards someone, he would write them a letter…which he would then never send. He would “put it aside until his emotions cooled down,” as one historian explained. Your journal can similarly become an outlet for your emotions and feelings towards someone so you can then approach them in person in a calm and rational manner. Say the things, process the things that you would love to be able to say out loud but can’t or won’t. You’ll feel better — and you’ll always have something to say.

[*] Ask Yourself the Tough Questions — Journaling isn’t just about patting yourself on the back and listing all your accomplishments. I also think it’s important to wrestle with big questions and to hold yourself to account. When we created The Daily Stoic Journal, we added for each day a helpful prompt to provide guidance for the day’s reflection. These can sometimes be the tough but necessary questions you need to reflect and meditate upon. Some helpful examples: Where am I standing in my own way? What’s the smallest step I can take toward a big thing today? What blessings can I count right now? Why do I care so much about impressing people? What is the harder choice I’m avoiding? Do I rule my fears, or do they rule me? How will today’s difficulties show my character?

***

The last tip is the most obvious one:

[*] Just Do It. — People tend to intimidate themselves about it: What’s the best way to do it? What’s the best journal? What time? How much? Forget all that. There’s no right way to do it. Just do it. You can use The Daily Stoic Journal or The 5 Minute Journal or The Bullet Journal or Austin Kleon’s Steal Like an Artist Journal. Or the One Line A Day Journal. Or a blank notebook or an Evernote file or an email on your iPhone. Or use a combination of these things. It doesn’t matter. Just start. Refine and improve as you go. You’ll get into a rhythm and find what works best for you. You can only optimize if you actually start.

I remember visiting the filmmaker Casey Neistat’s studio and seeing shelves and shelves of notebooks on one wall. They dated back to the very beginning of his career. I felt an instant pang of regret — why hadn’t I been doing this? — and then reminded myself that although the best time to start journaling would have been years ago, the second best time would be right then. So I did. If you want to get a chain going, start to day.

Good luck and happy journaling!

This was originally posted on Thought Catalog.

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April 9, 2018by Ryan Holiday
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42 Books That Will Make You A Better Person (Each Described In 1 Sentence)

If you read a lot, it can be easy for all the books to blur together. Especially as the years pass, it can be difficult to even remember what books you’ve read are even about.

This is where one sentence book summaries come in. Though one should hope to get a lot from every book they read (and if they don’t, what exactly was the point of reading it?) at the very least, a reader ought to walk away with at least one clear insight. Sometimes that insight is the thesis of the book itself, sometimes it’s a minor detail that made an impact.

Below, are some one sentence descriptions of some of the best books ever written and a few of my personal favorites.

Candide by Voltaire: Il faut cultiver notre jardin. We must tend our own garden

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl: Even in the depths of the Holocaust — even in three concentration camps and the loss of his entire family — Viktor Frankl finds meaning and purpose.

The Autobiography of Malcolm X by Alex Haley and Malcolm X: Man goes into prison as a criminal, comes out as an uncompromising Civil Rights leader, dies a more open hearted and compassionate person.

Essays by Montaigne: There is plenty to study and see simply by looking inwards — maybe even an alarming amount.

Boyd: The Fighter Pilot Who Changed the Art of War by Robert Coram: To Be or To Do?

The Power Broker by Robert A. Caro: There are many forms of power and influence, and not all of them are flashy or even visible but it always has the same effect over time: it corrupts and changes you.

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius: Even the most powerful man on earth writes notes to himself about how to be a better person — oh and he begins those notes with a series of thank yous to people who have helped him.

The Power of No by James Altucher: Your life is defined by how good you get at saying no to the things you need to say no to.

Totto-Chan: The Little Girl at the Window by Tetsuko Kuroyanagi: The joy and good nature of children is a precious thing — no proper education should involve spoiling it.

Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson: Cognitive Dissonance is one of the most powerful and delusionary forces in the world.

Civil War Stories by Ambrose Bierce: War is not glamorous or simply tragic, but rather stupid, ironic, inexplicable, confusing, contradictory and horrifying — though this will never stop people from loving it.

The War of Art by Steven Pressfield: Beware The Resistance

The Black Swan by Nassim Taleb: The things you’re worried about happening are not the things you should be worried about happening.

Fragments by Herclitus: You can’t step in the same river twice and this is a good metaphor for life.

Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card: No one is coming to save us…it’s all on you.

48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene: All the collected — but never spoken — amoral strategies for getting, keeping, wielding and protecting against power.

Philosophy As a Way of Life by Pierre Hadot: If you think ancient philosophy was the academic pursuit of arcane knowledge, you’re totally missing the point.

The Memoirs of Ulysses S Grant by Ulysses S Grant: Just the idea that this man wrote this beautiful and incisive history of life and times…as he was painfully dying of cancer, trying to leave something to define his legacy and support his family after he was gone.

Rules for Radicals by Saul Alinsky: Power is not what you have, it’s what the enemy thinks you have and what it fears you might do with it.

The Book of Five Rings by Musashi: Observing and perceiving are very different things and perception (since it has opinion in it) is always weaker than observation.

The Prince by Machiavelli: Fate must be wrestled with and thrown down if you want to get what you want out of life.

The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald: Young man falls in love with a careless woman he cannot have and becomes rich and powerful trying to get her back while another young man watches in admiration and horror.

What Makes Sammy Run? by Budd Schulberg: The chasing of the American Dream by a ruthless hustler whose punishment is getting everything he ever wanted.

Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk: A guy is so unhappy with modern life that he invents an alter ego to destroy that life and himself.

Endurance by Ernest Shackleton: Fortitudine vincimus (by endurance we conquer).

The Score Takes Care of Itself by Bill Walsh: Handle the little things well and the score will take care of itself.

Essentialism by Greg McKeown and The One Thing by Jay Papasan and Gary Keller: Cut out the crap, focus on the truly important thing (or couple things).

How Adam Smith Can Change Your Life by Russ Roberts // The Theory of Moral Sentiments by Adam Smith: First that Adam Smith wasn’t some ruthless capitalist but and a thoughtful thinker and second, try to judge your own behavior and moral behavior using what he called the ‘indifferent spectator’

Eleanor Roosevelt I & II by Blanche Wiesen Cook: God, what a tolerant lady of a real awful mother/father and a selfish, hurtful husband — but she could focus on the good in people and that’s what made her so effective.

On the Shortness of Life by Seneca: People only think life is short because they waste so damn much of it focused on things they can’t control and fears about things they refuse to question.

Blue Ocean Strategy by W. Chan Kim and Renée Mauborgne: Don’t compete where everyone else is competing—that is strategic death.

The 4-Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss: It’s not about working four hours a week, it’s about not doing more than four hours of work you don’t like or don’t actually need to do per week.

The Truth by Neil Strauss: If you want to have successful relationships, fix yourself and your childhood issues — the rest will follow, quickly and more easily than you think.

Titan: The Life of John D. Rockefeller, Sr. by Ron Chernow: Discipline and rational thought is what allows one to take advantage of opportunities and crises—and also prevent wealth from changing one’s life.

Lincoln’s Melancholy by Joshua Wolf Shenk: Lincoln’s wisdom and perspective came from a dark place in his own life—if we can transform our own suffering the same way, we will be great.

Sherman: Soldier, Realist, American by B.H. Liddell Hart: Poise not pose.

The Strategy Paradox by Michael Raynor: Successfully executing a strategy requires complete committment…which also substantially increases your odds of failure.

Shadow Divers by Robert Kurson: “If an undertaking was easy, someone else already would have done it.”

Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed: “Be ten times more magnanimous than you think yourself capable of being.”

A New Pair of Glasses by Chuck C: Rule 62 of Alcoholics Anonymous: “Don’t take yourself too damn seriously.”

The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz by Mordecai Richler: If you don’t have values, the hustler will lose everything in the end.

Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy // The Sea Wolf by Jack London: Never forget how dark and disturbed human beings can be—it lurks beneath the surface.

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This originally appeared on Thought Catalog.

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April 6, 2018by Ryan Holiday
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